In this last week of Black History Month, and on the eve of Women’s History Month (in North America) I’ve been having contentious thoughts about apologizing and apologies.

Truth be told, it all started with a passing headline about a male pop star first declaring himself an ally of the LGBTQI+ community, and then apologizing for offenses he had committed, let stand, and remained quiet on, against female friends and colleagues, a decade earlier. With my pop star days well behind me, I was surprised that a rather deep annoyance with these headlines lingered and preoccupied me for a while.

A quick rewind to explain why. Last October many powerful voices, particularly voices of female leaders, beamed through Zoom sessions at the SEEP Annual Conference. These women warriors got their message across not because they had a pop star platform to issue overdue apologies, but because they take action and responsibility for their own and their communities’ wellbeing, even though the plight they see is the result of others’ (often men’s) ineffective leadership or effective oppression.

Three young women across southern Africa explained to dozens of session participants that they have taken their own futures in their hands when it comes to passing on a healthy planet to the next generation. They organize and seek out media outreach opportunities, not to declare that they are allies of marginalized groups but because as young activists, they understand the urgency of solidarity.

Juliana Y. Conteh of Sierra Leone electrified the audience, especially this audience member at 2 a.m. in my time zone when after an hour-long session she declared “I want to help women be in any key position at the forefront of this country.” Juliana isn’t out for herself and her next top hit, but she’s in it for the women of her community. And we all know that when a woman succeeds her family and community succeed.

So, as we get ready at SEEP to mark International Women’s Day by doubling down on our work in Women’s Economic Empowerment, we also recognize and remind ourselves that we need to continue to challenge the entrenched lynchpins that hold up structural and cultural inequities. That means, we need to challenge behaviors and narratives that steal airtime from the women and stories we will be featuring over the next few weeks.

In fact, we need to go beyond reminding ourselves and each of us needs to be a link in the human chain that connects across marginalized communities, borders, and dinner tables, because we are all perpetrators of injustice, should we choose to take anything but an active role in fighting for equality and justice. The recently-released compendium on intersectional design and action for a COVID-19 response is an example of the need for greater nuance and complexity in our work.

So about that pop artist—I realized that I was more annoyed with myself than the headlines he created. After all he, a young privileged man was only doing as he’s been taught to do — use his privilege to get another free pass. I, on the other hand, was doing nothing with my privilege but brew in my own anger.

Time’s up on vapid apologies and meaningless criticism of those who apologize. It is time for action and commitment before an apology is needed.